Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Reasons why a world economy is a disastrous idea...

Commercials Translated

These are the nominees for the Chevy Nova Award. This is given out in honor of the GM's fiasco in trying to market this car in Central and South America. "no va" means, of course, in Spanish, "it doesn't go".

-The Dairy Association's huge success with the campaign "Got Milk?" prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention the Spanish translation read "Are you lactating?"
-Coors put its slogan, "Turn It Loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer From Diarrhea."
-Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux."
-Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick," a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that "mist" is slang for garbage. Not too many people had use for the "Garbage Stick."
-When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the smiling baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the labels of what's inside, since many people can't read.
-Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno magazine.
-An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I Saw the Pope" (el Papa), the shirts read "I Saw the Potato" (la papa).
-Pepsi's "Come Alive With the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back From the Grave" in Chinese.
-The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as "Kekoukela", meaning "Bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax", depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent "kokou kole", translating into "happiness in the mouth."
-Frank Perdue's chicken slogan, "It takes a strong man to make a tender chicken" was translated into Spanish as "it takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate."
-When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you." The company thought that the word "embarazar" (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: "It won't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant!"
-When American Airlines wanted to advertise its new leather first class seats in the Mexican market, it translated its "Fly In Leather" campaign literally, which meant "Fly Naked" (vuela en cuero) in Spanish.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Choose your own adventure

Having no worries about late fees, I didn't take the movies I rented last week back until last night. So after a post drop-off leisurely stroll through the aisles, my much better half decides that she would like to see The Ring 2...G-r-e-a-t. The first incarnation of that story was quite scary(until the disappointing ending), the second hmmmm. Well it was bad, not just bad, but horrible. We followed that up with a movie that caught my eye entitled simply, Cube. This little indie-film has a bunch of no-name actors & some poor dialogue (its weaknesses) but it is one hell of a mindf&*k. Trying to make sense of it while watching is kind of like riding a roller coaster that begins inside where it is dark, then lights come on in the middle, then the lights change color, then you ride through a fun-house mirror room, then it just stops, unexpectedly, without any fanfare. Or, it could be likened to a Choose your own Adventure book, that just keeps making you choose over and over and over... and the paths you are forced to travel are unrelated at best. Cube is short (90 min.) so give it a viewing, because I give up trying to explain it.

Monday, August 29, 2005

Roma Victa!

As I said a few posts ago, (scroll down the page to read) I was anxiouly awaiting the premier of HBO's much-ballyhooed new TV series "Rome". I also exclaimed that I am a rabid fan of the ancient empire, and so was worried that a new series touting it's ability to show Rome in an accurate fashion would be the reincarnation of ABC's "Empire". I could not have been more surprised if I woke up with my head sewn to the carpet. I had previously consigned myself (as I always do with TV and Movies) that this is TV and not actually visual history, so I know some liberities were taken for the purpose of entertainment (as they always are) and that's the reality of Hollywood. However, the astounding attention to detail, from the costumes, to the dialogue, to the general mentality of the characters proved that HBO and the BBC were able to cap a long production spell with both an accurate and scintillating premier. Now some quick notes:

1.) It is not easy to suspend 2,000 yrs. of Christian moral tradition, to fully understand this show, but it is necessary. Otherwise a woman being soaked in oxen blood after prostituting her daughter would seem a bit over the top.
2.) Well done showing legion combat, commands, formations, etc...
3.) Pompey is old enough, but a little too fat. Caesar is spot on, as is Octavius.
4.) Cato the elder, really is elder. He might better be known hereafter as Cato the how is he not dead.
5.) Atia's threat to one of her little slaves is a classic, "...Bring him back alive and well, or I'll use your children's eyeballs for beads." Absolutely brilliant way to keep one's slaves in line.

-I can't wait for next week, I think this just might become my new favorite TV show, though The OC premiers on the 8th. More on that later...

Question of the week-Why does X stand for a kiss and for that matter, why does O stand for a hug?

Friday, August 26, 2005

Love you, but not in love with you...

...there isn't a cliché that could possibly be more off.

There's something I've noticed about the phenomenon that happens between men and women in a real relationship. For example, this weekend, my fiancée has asked me to accompany her to the art festival. I find myself not having a problem with this whatsoever. I answer, "Yeah sure, absolutely, no problem my love" before I even have time to think about what I am signing on for. She is good, damn good. Now flip that around: "Honey do you want to go with me to see The Brothers Grimm?" or "Sweetheart, wanna be my date at the launch party for the Porsche Cayman with me?" and the Pavlovian response in the affirmative that I don't think will be there- is.
I liken us to a mushy, symbiotic/Gemini-like pair (listen to Such Great Heights by 'The Postal Service' then you'll get what I mean). Therefore the moral of my story is, there is no 'I, Me, Mine' instead it is 'Us, We, Ours' and that my friends I have come to learn only happens when you are with the one you love, and not in love with the one you're with.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Mr. Miller...Fill it up again...

I rented Sin City last night- the film based on Frank Miller's graphic novel of the same name. I have to say I thought it was fantastic. The film was done in a very unique way. In all actuality, I hesitate to call it a 'movie' at all. Rather, it was more like a 3d visual of a graphic novel itself. Lighting, color scheme, the only thing that was missing was the cell borders, and bubble-encapsuled words. The violence... oh the violence... Gentlemen, unless the woman you're with has little to no feminine delicacies, this 'film' is probably best meant for a drinkin' evening with the guys. There really is nothing in the film, i.e. romance, comedy, romantic-comedy, depressing unrequited love, etc...that would generally appeal to the womenfolk. I had my fill of that on Tuesday, watching A Lot Like Love with my fiancée. (one movie to watch with her, one for me)

Some quick observations: *as spoiler free as possible*

-Nearly all of the actors play their roles well, though they are hampered sometimes by the 'comic-book lines' they're given.
-Mickey Rourke, Frodo Baggins, and Clive Owen stood out the most for me.
-That said, Owen as the next Bond is possible, though with those handsome pugilistic looks of his, he'd be a modern version of Lazenby.
-Jessica Alba...her acting is what really captivated me. (honest injun honey!)
-Benicio del Toro plays the same role...again...crap. I was hoping for something new from him.
-Tarantino's concept of time, as always, is akin to Dali's Persistence of Memory-all f&*ked up.
-The automobile mixture is nice, especially the 'twin-sister's' ride (which made my top-10 all-time list posted a few weeks ago)

All-in-all, it was a great concept, and executed brilliantly. Of the 'comic-book' movies that have flooded the cinema in the past few years, this to me, felt the most like one. However, I shall reserve final judgement until I see that summer-blockbuster with the winged freak that terrorizes Gotham City.

-P.S. with murmurs of a sequel starting to escape Mr. Miller's mouth, I say, "Fill it up again"

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Please excuse Kenny....

If I was the principal, I could never reprimand any of these kids, they have enough to deal with. Also, note the name of the child toward the end, "Burma"?? poor thing.

The following is a collection of "actual excuse notes from parents (including spelling)" from the Office of Educational Assessment at the University of Washington.

-My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
-Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
-Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31,32, and also 33.
-Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
-Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
-John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
-Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
-Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
-Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
-Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.
-Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
-Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
-Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
-Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
-My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.
-Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
-Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
-Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.
-Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.
-Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Senatus Populusque Quiritum Romanorum? I hope so...

As evident by my icon, I have quite an affinity for virtually everything having to do with ancient Rome. I've studied and learned about this great civilization from my single digit years when my father taught me the names of all the emperors, and told me the story of Caesar and the Civil War. We had several hundreds of toy plastic legionaires and 'barbarians' that we arranged on a tile battlefield in different formations according to famous battles in Roman history: Zama, Trasimene, Alesia, Teutoburger Wald, Sarmizegetusa etc... Taking History as a major in college sure didn't decrease the amount of reading, writing, etc... on Rome. So the point of it all now comes to a little television show that is set to air on HBO next Sunday. In case you've lived without power for the past few months, HBO has a television series entitled 'Rome' that they will be airing on Sunday evenings. The series was apparently shot in Italy with HBO and BBC as co-producers. The time frame of the show is ok (52BC-ratings start to drop off) and I love the look so far. (accurate from what I've seen) However, just recently, I saw a preview show that makes me wonder about a few things. In addition to the battle scenes, both military and political, there will also be gratuitous sex and nudity, ( Ok men, now let out a collective, frustrating shout of 'Damn it!') and that's ok because, well, that was Rome. I'm just hoping that this show doesn't become that drivel that was touted as HBO's other 'masterpiece' "Sex and the City." I'm keeping my fingers crossed, while anxiously awaiting the premiere. Reviews to follow in upcoming posts.

Question of the week: If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

Monday, August 22, 2005

Shake down the thunder from the sky....

As I look outside my window on this fine day, I notice the omnious, blue-grey cloud formations that are spread across the sky here in lovely Williamsville. These clouds and the much cooler temperature outside remind me of autumn, my favorite season, and with the coming of fall, that means one thing: NOTRE DAME FOOTBALL!! There, whew, I got it out of my system. It's less than 2 weeks until the start of the 2005 Notre Dame football season, and well, that is my favorite sports team, playing in my favorite sport. I have a streak of watching every game since the 1987 season, come hell or high-water, and I am hoping to continue that this year. The Irish don't look to be staunch opponents for anyone this year, (especially with their schedule, sheesh.) but, with a Super Bowl winning coach that signed on, and some luck, who knows! I always keep the faith, Go...Irish...Go...Irish!!

Friday, August 19, 2005

The Golden Bear. Tiger. Goose???

I went out golfing again with my amigos from work. This was my third time on a course, and I must say it might have been the charm. I didn't shoot particularly well (53 for nine holes) but I hit the ball straight, started sinking putts on the first, and second try, and actually got par on one hole!! All-in-all a success!! Tear-assing around in carts, drinking beers, and whacking golf balls with iron clubs is a hell of way to spend an evening with 3 good friends. Can't wait to do it again!

In other news: I'd like to wish my dear friend Jess a wonderful birthday weekend!![at least I'm pretty sure it's this weekend ;) ] So everyone pop on over to the outgrabes link on the right side of your screen and do the same.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Lions and Cheetahs and Elephants?? Oh My.

I came across this article ( yesterday, and I am not totally sure what to make of it. On the one hand, I think this is certainly a unique idea to stave off the extinction of species. It certainly is better than traditional captivity. However, on the other hand, bringing the 'big game' to the heartland of America can be trouble on many levels. Here are some thoughts that should be considered:

1.) Soooo hunters don't have to leave their backyards to get the best quarry in the world anymore? Hmmm great, it's like a really big 'meals on wheels' program only the meals are African game animals, and the clients are not invalids, but 30.06 toting hunters. Good plan to preserve the species.

2.) I know that these animals will be in parks, but how can these areas be properly patrolled? By satellite? We're talking Montana to Arizona, not the San Diego wildlife preserve.

3.) The line "I don't think we're in Kansas anymore" actually might make sense now, what with lions, elephants, etc... roaming the plains.

4.) That being said, I don't think I'll ever be in Kansas if man-eating lions are stalking through the high grass.

5.) Has anyone thought about the herds of deer, etc... Imagine being a pronghorn or an elk/deer, and seeing a damn LION hunting you, or having to outrun a damn cheetah!! They have had no real predators in decades, and previously only had to deal with wolves. They're screwed.

Still, maybe it would be surreal to see elephants, camels, and other African animals in this country, maybe...

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

These analogies are like things that are similar...

I weep for the future, here's the amusing, absurd article of the week:

The following are actual winning analogies in the "worst analogies ever written in a high school essay" contest

-They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
-He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
-She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
-The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
-McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
-From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7pm instead of 7:30.
-Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
-Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
-Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:\\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaak/ch@ng by mistake.
-He was as tall as a six-foot three-inch tree.
-The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
-Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be burried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."
-Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36pm traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19pm at a speed of 35 mph.
-The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr. Pepper can.
-John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
-The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
-His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a drier without "Cling-Free."
-The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red crayola crayon.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Yer not gonna look at yer cards?

Those who know me, know that I am a big fan of the Texas Hold 'Em. I like to gamble, not excessively by any means mind you, but sometimes. I am a dice thrower, a pony bettor, and a hold'em player. I even have my own table in the spare room of my condo. (which btw, the future wife has said, "would be much cooler in the basement") Sooo apparently the re-decorating event has taken hold again and the "Golden Goose Casino" will now be in the 'much cooler' basement. I don't know, maybe we'll put a rec-room/den/study/office in the spare room, sources are still unconfirmed, it's too early to tell.
The point is, I think Texas Hold'Em should be in the "Everyman's Olympics" I know that the game has a loyal following, and there is a pro league with a World Series. However, I think that we could probably come up with some new twists. Maybe instead of money, guys bet with drinks from the alcoholic beverage of their choice. "I'll see your sip and raise you two gulps." Or...maybe there's Maverick style (a.k.a Big Dave style) where there is betting without looking at yer own cards. I don't know, I just brainstorm the ideas, it's up to others to figure out the precise mechanics. Lemme know gents.

Question of the week: If work is so terrific how come they have to pay you to do it?

Monday, August 15, 2005

Everyman's Olympics poll...

On friday last, I had the joy of participating in a fantasy football draft with my partner from work. I do not have a team myself, but helped him pick his. It was fun for the most part but also surreal (hence the 'fantasy' aspect of it I suppose) There was a draft board, lists of players, and guys with laptops researching players. I have more than a modicum of knowledge about NFL players and their performances, however I am not nearly as zealous as these guys were. (more of a college football guy). At any rate, the most prevailing stat I saw was the salaries of these individuals. You have to love a society where people with 4th grade reading levels, that play a game, make more money in one year that a teacher, engineer, architect, fireman, or policeman will make in 20-30. But hey, that's capitalism, so I'll roll with the punches.
I myself am certainly not a paradigm of athletic prowess. I've played a wide variety of sports in my day, including track, soccer, boxing, skiing, football, fencing, shooting, etc... However, I am limited by my slightly above-average ability, at best. I was wondering about forming a type of Olympics for the vast majority of guys that are 'backyard' athletes in everyday events. Sooooooooo here's our next "Rebalancing" poll. What events should be in the 'Everyman's Olympics'?:

1.) Video gaming-has to be in there, no question, Could be done by genre of game, or by setting goals within the games, I don't know.
2.) Barbecuing- Another staple for the backyard warrior, could be done by type of food, orignial style, etc...
3.) Landscaping-oh yes, type and design of flower gardens, also speed of weed-whacking, and perhaps tractor jousting.
4.) Golf-many of you say, well this is already a sport!! Ah, but not the way I, nor many other people play. I'm so terrible, what I do cannot be called golf, but we could have it as an event where the style of shot, or how many trees/cars/animals/people you hit is judged.
5.) Driving-again, though already a sport, a more practical approach could be, winter driving in Buffalo city streets, or 'under construction' thruway driving/weaving.
6.) For those married, or 'about-to-be' married guys, the ultimate pentathlon: Shopping, redecorating, girl-movie watching, listening, and sharing feelings. This is an endurance test gentlemen. You all know this, maybe you've gone through it, maybe not. It is how we become trained by the women-folk, damn their insidious plots. In my experience, I've done the shopping so much I actually like it, I've suffered through "The Notebook", and my condo now has a seafoam green bathroom complete with matching potpourri.

Those are all the events I can think of right now so let's try to come up with some interesting and challeging 'sports' for the Everyman's Olympics

Friday, August 12, 2005

When is a bad dream worth millions?

It is stories like this,2933,165489,00.html, that fuel the deterioration of my faith in humanity. As I promised, this will not be a political rant or tirade, (I always keep a promise). I just wish people wouldn't be so damn selfish. These people should consider themselves lucky that they are even here to have dreams, regardless of whether they're good, bad, or nightmarish. That's all I have for the weekend, I'm too disappointed and thus, my blogging muse is rather fallow. However, there will be more results from our greatest rock albums poll to come next week!

Thursday, August 11, 2005

And you, music lover...

We now have some initial unconfirmed reports from the first poll. However, before we get to those I must say that please respond to the poll by posting comments at the appropriate site on the blog. Please don't call me with your picks. Also, let me again state, that this poll is for what you think are the top 5 "best" albums of all time, not necessarily your favorite albums.

Ok, we've had a lot of agreement with "Sgt. Pepper's...", and "Abbey Rd", though some people seem to be unaware of who did "Revolver", fewer still have even heard of "Rubber Soul". Ai Dios Mio! We also have had some mentions for "Led Zeppelin IV", "Dark Side of the Moon", and "Are You Experienced?" I believe all of those albums can be considered top 5 material, in fact those three in particular are in my top 10. Though try as I might, I just could not put them ahead of the Fab Four's masterpieces. Well back to receiving poll responses. Get them in, Get them in.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

amusing article of the week

Ok time again to post the unbelieveable story of the week, and what a classic it is:

supposedly this is an actual alert to IBM Field Engineers that went out to all IBM Branch Offices.

July 12, 1990 Subject: IBM BALL REPLACEMENT Abstract: Mouse Balls Available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit)

Mouse balls are now available as FRU. Therefore if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel. Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse.
Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced using the twist off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive; however, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction, and that any customer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items.

To re-order, specify one of the following: P/N 33F6424 - Domestic Mouse Balls
P/N 33F8461 - Foreign Mouse Balls

This is a fantastic memo!

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Our first poll together

Well gang, I've just decided on the first "Rebalancing" poll:

What are the top 5 greatest Rock and Roll Albums of all time???

Here's my list:
1.) Revolver (1966)
2.) Pet Sounds (1966)
3.) Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (1967)
4.) Rubber Soul (1965)
5.) Abbey Road (1969)

I am a huge Beatles fan, as you can see. I think that they are the best band (whatever that means) to have ever played, and that ever will play. I also think that every single one of their albums is so far above and beyond everyone else's musically, conceptually, and artistically, that it's inconceivable to not list them in any "greatest" list regarding rock music. With that being said, "Pet Sounds" by the Beach Boys has to be in my list as well, not because I'm a huge fan of the Beach Boys, but because Brian Wilson in 1966 went light years ahead of his time by composing this masterpiece.

So now, please give me some feedback: What are your top 5 greatest albums of all time, and why? These doesn't necessarily mean your top 5 favorite albums, (though I suppose some of them could be) but the top 5 you think are the best.

Monday, August 08, 2005

Hey sportsfans...

Well I am back from the ever-so-lovely city to the north known as Toronto. It really is a fantastic place, so much to do and see, but as usual, I digress. Let's get to the real meat of the story, my first baseball game. As I've already told you, friday evening my beloved Bronx Bombers were in town to play the Blue Jays, and apparently so was every single summer camp/community youth organization. It was a beautiful day so we took the 20 minute walk from our hotel to the Skydome, (don't give me any of that "Roger's Centre" talk either, it's still the damn Skydome) and saw the endless caravan of buses a la ID4. We went in early for batting practice, waded through a sea of 10 yr. old boys in pinstripes, and found our seats at first base, right next to the Yankees dugout. (very sweet) Now for some observations about baseball games:

1.) the field is a lot smaller in real life as opposed to television.
2.) the baseball, when travelling from the pitcher's hand to home plate moves so fast, I don't think it really exists, the TV people add it in as a special effect.
3.) players as a whole, don't look that much different than similarly regaled fans (re-affirming my belief that baseball players really aren't model athletes.)
4.) They are however experts at hand-eye coordination.
5.) Of all the baseball players on the Yankees that make ludicrous amounts of money, the only one I saw that truly acts as though it is a priviledge and honor to play for NY, is the captain, Mr. Jeter. You'll find his picture in numerous sporting periodicals, and also in the dictionary alongside the word "class".
6.) I don't think I have excellent depth perception, as I found myself jumping out of my seat everytime a fly ball was hit, thinking it was a homerun...and then the ball was would be caught by an outfielder and I would be left standing up in mid cheer aghast at the fact that a Yank was "robbed" of a dinger.
7.) Canadian stadium food is not much different from American stadium food, which was a relief.
8.) That being said, the concoction known as 'poutine' should never exist, let alone be served at a sporting event.
9.) Canadian fans cannot complete one full stadium circuit of "the wave". Try as they might, those little buggers just couldn't get it done.
10.) I love baseball games, and I can't wait to see the Yanks there again!!

Question of the week: Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Friday, August 05, 2005

A first for the goose

Well I'm off. My darling got 2 field level tickets right next to the NY dugout for the Yankees/Jays game in Toronto tonight and is taking me to my first baseball game.(How could I not marry this woman????) Weird I know, especially since I've loved the Yankees my entire life. At any rate we are going to the game, and hanging out with some of the players and I'm very very excited. I think I'm likely to revert to 5 yrs old. in about 7 hours!!!! (normally I'm at about 10 yrs. old so this is a big step) Go bombers!!!

Thursday, August 04, 2005

A little fine tuning....

Now that we have a "Question of the week" I think I am also going to try for an "Absurd article" of the week. Last week's was of course the by-now infamous "Smithsonian letter". I don't know if that can ever be topped, but I found one today that made me laugh. Here goes gang:

"The Chicken Gun"

Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields. British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers.

When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the Chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatter-proof windshield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow. The horrified Britons sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the U.S. scientists for suggestions.

NASA responded with a one-line memo: "Thaw the chicken."

Nice, huh?? No wonder they haven't found a way to have more than 6-7 channels on television over there!!

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Damn this infernal technology

My father has a theory about computers. He never had the need to use one during his 30 year career, and so never learned how. I nagged, pleaded, cajoled, with him to get his own machine and learn it, and his response always was, "What the hell do I need one of those for, I've never had to use one, they're just a passing fad anyways." I would subsequently get all exasperated and laugh and shake my head in disbelief, which is why he kept saying that. Once the old man retired, we finally convinced him to purchase his own computer. Needless to say, after one week of, "I'll teach myself", satellites crashed into the ocean, governments collapsed, and virtual armageddon took place. Now he can maneuver around, but still hates the "infernal, new-fangled contraption" (I know I made him sound like "Uncle Jessie Duke", he really isn't, he just likes to joke around like that.) On with the tale, I have a good knowledge of how to use and navigate a computer, not great, but good. HOWEVER, RIGHT NOW I WANT TO SHOOT MY INFERNAL CONTRAPTION. I'm having one of those "my cpu is possessed and I hate it days." Wish I could just empty a .45 round into the hard drive and put it down a la "Old Yeller in the corn crib" style. Maybe the old man was right all this time. Argggh.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

You don't say....

Found this article today:,2933,164481,00.html. I thought it was quite amusing. Check out the final two paragraphs, imagine writing a teacher evaluation form under these circumstances!!! And in other news, how cool was that thunderstorm last night, the obsidian colored clouds slowly swallowing up the sun reminded me of the "Night on Baldface Mountain" bit at the end of Fantasia. The thunderbolts added a nice eery touch. Looking outside now it seems that another storm is shaping up, though not quite as ominous and dark as last night's. Get your galoshes out!

Monday, August 01, 2005

my noze iz zdill zduffy

So as of this afternoon, I still have had the most annoying head cold. I have horrendous sinuses and when I get a cold, they plug up and seem to have an infinite amount of goo up there. I've blown my nose so much from Friday until today that it is red, raw, and cracking. The worst is the inability to taste, especially when my Mother makes fresh pomodoro on a sunday afternoon, Ai Dios Mio!

I'm bringing back the "Question of the day" though it will now be the "Question of the week" as a friend of mine over at Royal Toybox, suggested the idea. Also I'd like to congratulate my beautiful friends Garv and LBG (again) on their recent nuptials and subsequent move to Albany, and I wish them all the happiness life can bring.

So here it is: (thanks garv)

Question of the week: Who's cruel idea was it to put a 'S' in 'lisp'?

Lava Life Dating Reviews
Lava Life Dating Reviews